Shaya, i miss you. Its been quite a while now and still here i am, looking you up on google for the thousandth time and letting the tears fall freely. No, we didnt talk much for quite a few years i have to admit. But you're.. you were.. a massive part of my life. You taught me so much. Not to let people walk all over me, how to stand up for myself, to going through my wardrobe and picking out all my hideous clothes haha! You're my inspiration in a lot of ways. I remember thinking of you as a sort of cousin, and after years of not seeing you, i remember bumping into you in town, and i wanted to speak to you. I was planning on trying to message you, there was so much i needed to say, to thank you for. I'm just sorry it's so late. Sometimes I'm such a mess, and i just wish that you were here to just be straight with me. i've written you letters, a song, a poem, i've tried so hard to.... i dont know. Let you go? But i can't. i dont even want to anymore. i still look for you whenever im in town, in the same place i saw you last. i see girls with blonde hair and i stop and... but its never you. how can it be? You're gone. Writing this won't help, 'll probably write a thousand more just like it. People think, when you die, it takes about 6 months to a year for people to move on. But they're wrong. Unbelieveably wrong. So wrong it's ridiculous. Thank you, for everything Shaya. I love you. And we all miss you. x